That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
