toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
