bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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