I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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