okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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