You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
