the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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