If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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