I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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