Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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