I just gift wrapped bread.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
