I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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