Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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