when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
