So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
