I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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