I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
