What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
