i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
