if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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