what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My penis needs a shock collar
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
