So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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