"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I party with great urgency now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
