girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
