I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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