Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize