I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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