it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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