I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
