my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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