how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
