My hand turned me down
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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