im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
