I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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