woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize