i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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