I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
