This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
