this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
