In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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