As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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