Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
