i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
