You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
They have beer where we have blood.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
