She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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