Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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