I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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