I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you had me at cake vodka
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
