There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
