And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
