and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
