got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
