If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize