Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
