Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
