insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
