Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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