So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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