i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
