remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You pole danced in your parka.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
