Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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