I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
bring money and cleavage
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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