Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
