you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
