The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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