omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
