Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
