listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
