What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
