Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Are we still banned from the library?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
