She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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