as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
