She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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