is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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