So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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