is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i already hear my dad disowning me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
