if only i could text you this smell
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
