is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
