Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
