I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
