It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize