Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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