It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
