I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
