Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No subtext here. People are naked.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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