So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
