just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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